Monday, December 05, 2005

Stuff I wonder about while eating lunch at my desk...

...as I sit here at my desk at work eating my tuna fish and cottage cheese I think about Lydia and adoption a lot. I wonder things like what she's doing at daycare and does she KNOW Russ and I are coming to get her at the end of the day. I wonder if I talk about her background too much with people. I wonder if she'll like her Christmas presents and if I got her enough or too many. I wonder how her mouth feels as she is cutting 3 teeth at once and she was miserable last night. I wonder if Russell and I will ever spend an entire night together in same bed again. (Last night it was me...tonight it's him as I have auditions and will NOT be in a state to deal with her.) I wonder if we will actually get out to Paducha to see Santa in time for Christmas. I wonder IF I should take her to see Santa as being held by people other than me or Russell upsets her so much. I wonder if she's ever gonna grow hair...cause I really want her to grow hair! I wonder if she's happier living with us, or having lived in Desheng. I wonder if she'll be upset because mommy has to work both tonight and tomorrow night. I wonder how Russell and I are gonna deal with February when his schedule changes and I'm still in rehearsals until the 12th. I wonder if they are feeding her beans at daycare again cause I forgot to ask them not to as they gave her bad gas last time. I wonder if the cats will ever forgive me for adopting Lydia and if I'll ever get to play with them again. I wonder what she's gonna think about this blog when she gets older and if she'll understand why I did it. I wonder if I'm a good mom...because it's really all I want to be anymore. I wonder if Russell wonders all this kinda stuff too. And I wonder where all the time went as it's time for me to get back to work now.

5 Comments:

Blogger LindaJ said...

you don't have to wonder if you are a good mom. Read what you just wrote. You are wondering if she is okay, caring about her feelings, protective of her well being,Loving her more then any 2 people will ever love her.
You answered your own question.

Monday, December 05, 2005 12:51:00 PM  
Blogger Susan said...

I agree with Linda. The things that make you a good mom are listed above - plus tons more that aren't. You are a great mom and Russell a great daddy...you embarked on this journey and committed yourself to the life of this little girl. I think it's outstanding and I love checking in to see what's new.


You're doing a great job!

xoxo

Susan

Tuesday, December 06, 2005 10:40:00 AM  
Blogger Lee-Anne said...

You make me laugh!!! I can just picture you, staring off into space 'wondering', while chewing your sandwich slowly!!! I think at some stage we all wonder the exact same things - and I guess we'll never really know all the answers...but at the end of the day - it doesn't matter!
Thanks for sharing.
Lee-Anne

Wednesday, December 07, 2005 6:58:00 AM  
Blogger Recovering Wino said...

Ha! You're a mom

...it's funny because I was wondering if you wrote that to be ironic or if you wrote it to be serious. You wrote down all these worries..and then asked if you were a good mom.

Heck! That's what makes a good mom. It's embedded in us to worry like that.

And things change in your marriage....but you'll find you will find a new "groove" together and eventually you will sleep together again:) [Hard to believe, but true as we are on number 2 and doing the same thing...not sleeping together again!]

That first year is tough, but if you support each other, and love your daughter together, it strengthens your love for one another.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005 11:49:00 AM  
Blogger Donna & Joe said...

Good mom? I've been following your blog and I think you're a GREAT mom!

Your post brought a few tears to my eyes because next year when we have Lauren, I'll be heading back to work full-time after about 3 months. I'm already thinking of all the worries I'm going to have while she is away from us at daycare.

I don't know if you work full-time, but I can only imagine how difficult it is to leave Lydia at daycare. As excited as I am about becoming a mom next year, this is the one thing that weighs really heavily on my mind.

I hope it is working out ok for you so far.

Donna :)
www.waitingforlaurenelizabeth.blogspot.com

Wednesday, December 07, 2005 9:39:00 PM  

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